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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?